5 Tips for Opening Up to Your Partner About Your Relationship

Maybe you’ve always had trouble opening up in relationships. You might have grown up in an environment where your emotions were brushed aside or considered unimportant, which discouraged you from being vulnerable as an adult. Perhaps you’ve dated people who did not take your feelings into account when making decisions. Their lack of consideration for your needs might have pushed you to ignore your own emotions and hide your thoughts from your current partner.

But shutting down emotionally puts up walls between you and your partner. If both of you are unable to fully express yourselves, your relationship will always rest on unstable ground. Here are some tips to help you get comfortable opening up to your partner.

1. Choose the Right Time and Place

If you need to share something important or sensitive with your partner, it’s important to choose a good time and place for this conversation. Wait until you’re in a private space. Don’t pick a time when you’re in a rush to do something else. Trying to have an emotional conversation when you’re around other people, or when both of you are stressed in the midst of a busy day, isn’t optimal. If you’re both relaxed, and you know that you can share your thoughts in confidence, you’ll be able to have a more productive conversation.

2. Use “I” Statements

When you’re talking to your partner, and you’re discussing something that you’re upset about, it’s tempting to start pointing fingers and assigning blame. But this approach will probably put your partner on the defensive. Instead, center your conversation around “I” statements. Rather than saying, “You made me feel upset,” try phrasing the same sentiment as, “I felt upset when this happened.” By emphasizing your own feelings, you can avoid placing the blame exclusively on your partner, and you can focus on tackling the problems at hand as a team.

3. Express Yourself Authentically

Maybe you’re nervous to talk about how you feel because you worry that if your partner won’t take your emotions seriously. You may even be afraid that they will consider leaving you if they realize that you haven’t been happy lately. But if sharing your true feelings causes your partner to reconsider your relationship, hiding these emotions only delays the inevitable.

That’s why expressing yourself authentically is crucial. If the only way you can prolong your relationship is by covering up your emotions, it may not be a healthy relationship.

4. Suggest Solutions

As you talk to your partner about your feelings, be sure to suggest solutions throughout the conversation. If you want to chart a path forward together, you’ll need to cooperate in order to make positive changes. Before you open up to your partner, think about what you’re hoping for regarding the outcome of the conversation. What kind of future do you want to build for your relationship? How can you find areas of compromise to make this vision a reality?

5. Be a Good Listener

Finally, remember that if you’re having trouble opening up, there’s a good chance your partner feels the same way. Being an active listener is key. When they share their own perspective, don’t interrupt. Make it clear that you’re taking in what they have to say, and that you value their thoughts. Demonstrate empathy and ask your partner questions if you’re confused about what they share with you. Take this as an opportunity to learn more about your partner and strengthen your bond.

–

If you’re interested in couples counseling, reach out to learn more about how we can provide a safe, non-judgmental environment for you and your partner to open up about your relationship.