What are Signs of Attachment Trauma in Adults?
Imagine your childhood as a turbulent sea, where you’re tossed about like a small boat in a hurricane. That’s what attachment trauma feels like for many adults. It’s not just a memory—an instinct deeply ingrained in your body and mind. You’ve learned what hurts, and your chemistry screams, “Avoid it!”
But what if that pain is linked to love and trust? Suddenly, comfort becomes the monster under your bed—familiar yet terrifying. This trauma, rooted in early development, often reveals its actual impact in adulthood. You might struggle to form connections, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s as if your emotional compass was calibrated to chaos, making calm waters feel unsettling and strange.
Attachment is the bond a child forms with their primary caregiver. Most of the time, it’s the mother, but it could also be the father, an older sibling, a grandparent, or whoever’s playing that key caregiver role. The attachment process commences early in infancy and encompasses various elements that foster bonding between the infant and caregiver.
These elements include providing comfort and physical affection, meeting fundamental survival needs, and developing a sense of self about another person. The nature of this process, whether healthy, inadequate, or involving trauma, can profoundly influence an individual’s interpersonal relationships throughout their life.
Common Signs of Attachment Trauma in Adulthood
Individuals grappling with Attachment Trauma often encounter challenges in forming and sustaining interpersonal connections. During childhood, we develop our comprehension of relationships. Our expectations of others, our demands upon ourselves, and the trustworthiness we ascribe to those around us are intricately woven with our innate human fight-or-flight response. These formative lessons can lead those with Attachment Trauma to perceive relationships as perilous, treacherous terrain.
This condition may manifest itself through the following behaviors:
Emotional Instability
Every little argument feels like life or death when our relationships are in fight-or-flight mode. People who’ve been through some heavy attachment trauma are more likely to shut down or go on the attack when a disagreement pops up. Communication is intense and unpredictable.
For those with attachment trauma, getting intimate and vulnerable is often seen as a no-go zone. It’s like a kid who got burned touching the stove—we remember the pain of having our love and trust betrayed, so we steer clear.
Shame and Self-Loathing
Attachment trauma can make people feel straight-up broken or flawed deep down. This can lead to being clingy, insecure, and constantly needing reassurance and validation from their partner. Even the most promising relationships can get derailed by this constant need for approval.
Struggle With Trust Issues
Once bitten, twice shy, right? People with attachment trauma have a hard time taking others at their word. They’re always on high alert, looking out for potential betrayal. So they can never fully enjoy and be present in their relationships.
Difficulty Setting Boundaries
Closely tied to shame and self-loathing, attachment trauma can make people accept abusive behavior from their partners, whether it’s yelling, neglect, or even physical abuse. Because they feel broken, they think they’re lucky to be with anyone. Setting clear boundaries and prioritizing their own needs requires finding some self-love first.
Healing from Attachment Trauma
Overcoming attachment trauma isn’t easy, but it’s possible with the right approach. The key is working through old wounds and painful memories that have left lasting marks on your psyche. This damage isn’t just emotional—it’s physical, too.
Fortunately, there are effective therapies to help you heal:
Internal Family Systems (IFS Therapy) addresses different “parts” of yourself
Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing (EMDR Therapy) helps process traumatic memories
Trauma-focused cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT Therapy) changes negative thought patterns
With professional support and your commitment to healing, you can overcome the impacts of attachment trauma and build healthier relationships. Whether you’re barely staying afloat or treading water, taking the first step toward healing can be life-changing. Embrace the possibility of smooth sailing ahead—you deserve a life free from the constant storms of the past. Book a free consultation for Trauma Therapy in Colorado Springs today.
