Building a Stronger Bond: 4 Communication Habits for Your Marriage
No one is born a great communicator, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. We build and improve communication skills through learning and practice. Below are helpful habits for improving your communication with your spouse.
Practice Active Listening
Listen to understand, not to reply. Set a standard for removing distractions during conversations.
Place cell phones on a table out of direct sight.
Turn off visual media such as the television.
Switch to easy-listening music if you’d like some audio playing—this can help set a comfortable environment.
Make eye contact.
Practice reflecting on what you heard before you reply.
Asking follow-up questions and showing empathy for your partner’s feelings will put them at ease. This will help them feel more comfortable opening up and progressing the conversation.
The Use of “I” Statements Instead of “You” Statements
When feeling frustrated, it’s easy to jump to criticism. This can often be portrayed through “you” statements, which can be perceived as blaming and accusing your partner, even if that is not your intent. An example could be: “You are barely putting any effort into getting the house ready for our guests this weekend.”
The likely outcome is your spouse becoming defensive, possibly resulting in a counterattack and ultimately shutting down the lines of open communication. That is where “I” statements come into play.
An “I” statement will shift the focus to your experience, emotions, and needs. This will help your partner be able to hear you more clearly and respond with empathy instead of defensiveness. Try “I feel overwhelmed when all of the cleaning and planning for guests is left to me, it would be helpful if we worked together to prepare for the weekend.”
Practicing “I” vs “You” statements will allow you and your spouse to have the freedom to express your needs and have them met, which leads to more emotional intimacy and a deeper connection overall.
Seek Clarity Instead of Making Assumptions
The habit of clarifying rather than assuming is one of the most powerful tools you can practice in any relationship, and it’s a game-changer in your marriage. The act of assuming is our mind, influenced by our past experiences and biases, filling in the blanks for us, which can lead to misunderstandings, false narratives, and resentment. Seeking clarity invites curiosity and allows your spouse to speak for themselves, reducing unnecessary conflict and promoting emotional safety.
Perhaps your partner has become more withdrawn in recent weeks, and your mind is racing, trying to make sense of the change in their demeanor. This is where clarity comes into play. “I’ve noticed you pulling away recently, and I’ve been wondering what’s been going on. Is something on your mind that has been bothering you?”
From there, your spouse may feel comfortable opening up or expressing that they need space and will come to you when ready. Finding the strength to seek clarity will reduce the likelihood of frustrations and breakdown of trust and communication in the future.
Learn Each Other’s Communication Styles
We all have different ways of expressing ourselves, and each person brings unique communication habits into a marriage. Several factors, such as upbringing, personality, and past experiences, have shaped these habits. Take the time to learn what your partner’s needs are, how they express themselves when they are upset, how they express affection, and how they resolve conflict.
Some people are more direct and comfortable expressing their emotions outright, while others are reserved and guarded about what they share. You may prefer to talk things through immediately, while your spouse requires time and space to think. The goal is for both of you to adapt to each other’s communication style while maintaining respect for your partner and yourself.
Next Steps
Ready to strengthen your communication habits with your spouse? Reach out to us and learn about different communication styles and how you may navigate the differences within your relationship through marriage counseling in Colorado Springs.
